The Buddha's Words on Loving Kindness

This is what should be done
By one who is skilled in goodness,
And who knows the path of peace:
Let them be able and upright,
Straightforward and gentle in speech.
Humble and not conceited,
Contented and easily satisfied,
Unburdened with duties and frugal in their ways.
Peaceful and calm, and wise and skillful,
Not proud and demanding in nature.
Let them not do the slightest thing
That the wise would later reprove.
Wishing: in gladness and in safety,
May all beings be at ease.
Whatever living beings there may be;
Whether they are weak or strong, omitting none,
The great or the mighty, medium, short or small,
The seen and the unseen,
Those living near or far away,
These born and to-be-born --
May all beings be at ease.
Let none deceive another,
Or despise any being in any state.
Let none through anger or ill-will
Wish harm upon another.
Even as a mother protects with her life
Her child, her only child,
So, with a boundless heart
Should one cherish all living beings,
Radiating kindness over the entire world
Spreading upwards to the skies,
And downwards to the depths,
Outward and unbounded,
Freed from hatred and ill-will.
Whether standing or walking, seated or lying down,
Free from drowsiness
One should sustain this recollection.
This is said to be the divine abiding:
By not holding to fixed views,
The pure-hearted one, having clarity of vision,
Being freed from all sense desires,
Is not born again into this world.

Pulling the Thread of Dichotomies

Ok, quick, what does this photo represent to you?

Alas, it is yet another example of a gratuitous dichotomy that only feeds stereotypes. A woman is either a whore or a virgin, right? (oh, maybe there's a 3rd choice: a whore, a virgin, or she's gone legitimate, that is, she's married - to a man.)

Uh Oh, this post has remnants of my lesbian feminist exegesis from college; run the other direction!

Seriously, we so often break down the world into 2 categories. For example:

• man/woman
• gay/straight
• rich/poor
• smart/dumb
• black/white
• liberal/conservative
• us/them
• Bill O'Reilly/Bill Maher
• Believer of God/atheist
  

...and the list could go on and on.

WHY WHY WHY do we insist on creating and fostering these gross and rudimentary categorizations?

Well, the answer is, because it's the first step in making sense of the world. We want to categorize and name the parts of the world all around us, so that we can begin to understand the world. Putting people and things into nice and neat little buckets helps us process the world. The problem is, this is just the FIRST step; we have to MATURE and realize that the world is much more complicated, subtle and nuanced than these mere dichotomies might suggest. Dichotomies serve a purpose; they help to orient us; they provide us with a frame of reference. That said, dichotomies are inherently limited, because they don't accommodate the wide variety and overlap within and amongst these categories. Acknowledge dichotomies, but be sure to pull the thread and explore the nuances and ambiguities that dichotomies might expose, if only we would bother to do so.

What it Means to Become Sober

"What it means to become sober" is unique to each individual. Here is what it has meant to me:

I have been sober now since August 13, 2008. This is telling in itself; if you are sober, do you remember the date of your last drink? I bet you do. For many people, hitting "rock bottom" is a date that they remember, and it signifies the turning point. The details aren't important, but August 12 was "rock bottom" for me, and so I started this adventure called "sobriety" on August 13, 2008.

For me, sobriety has been a gift from God. I am free from alcohol. I am living a new-found liberty that I didn't know was possible. I am no longer beholden to a life centered around consuming alcohol and then recovering from its consumption.

Alcohol is rather nefarious. It is sanctioned by our culture as a legitimate drug. It is served at meals and parties and various social gatherings as the standard modus operandi. It seduces us with variety and allure. It charms us with sophistication and wonder. Its consumption charts a frequently negative course. First, it lulls us into a false sense of reality by dulling our senses and compromising our judgment. After years of regular consumption, it profoundly damages the body, the mind, and the spirit.

There are those amongst us who are able to drink "moderately." To them, it may seem silly that there are those of us who can't; it may seem to be a personal failure or simply a lack of will power. But for many of us, "one drink is too many and a thousand are not enough."

Sobriety for me has meant a life-giving freedom that enables me to devote precious time and energy to the people I care about. Since my sobriety, I have developed a profound appreciation for the preciousness of life, and I don't want to spend a minute of it under the control of alcohol. The more time I am "awake" (and not under the control of alcohol), the more time I am able to commune with God and live my life with presence of mind. It has forced me to look at why I'd been drinking and enabled me to get to the other side.

concerts...

My daughter recently asked me, "mom, what was the first concert you ever went to?"
I had to pause briefly, but then it came to me fairly quickly. "I was in 8th grade, in 1982, it was Ozzy Osbourne!" "Oh, Ozzy!" my daughter replied. She then imitated Ozzy in a drunken stupor, howling for Sharon, asking her to make guacamole. Life is strange.
Then I pondered more about the concerts I've attended throughout my life. OK, let's see, here's a random list:

• U2 (several times; Hartford, Pittsburgh)
• REM (I'm pretty sure Michael Stipe and I were separated at birth; oops, no, he's 10 years older than I am, oh well)
• Hootie and the Blowfish (yes, somewhat embarrassing, but admit it; Darius Rucker has the vocal chops)
• Heart (several times; I was so intrigued by the Wilson sisters)
• Dar Williams (don't know her? look her up; she's amazing)
• Indigo Girls (jeez, I know, what a cliche)
• Tears for Fears (yep, this one really dates me, I know)
• John Cougar Mellancamp (he had this trio of black women back-up singers - they carried the show)

That's all I can think of right now... I'll edit the list as I remember more.