How could it be that I haven’t posted a blog since July? I guess you could say that the 2nd half of 2007 was a bit crazed for me. On the personal front, my mom and her husband visited the Oregon Coast for two weeks in August. On the business front, business is good; customer engagement to new heights; trips to Atlanta, Austin and
Overall, 2007 was a year of enormous Spiritual, emotional and professional growth. I was confirmed as an Episcopalian (what I call "the thinking person's Christianity"; where a woman leads the U.S. contingency; a gay man in New Hampshire is a confirmed Bishop; and "priests" do not have to be celibate). I had a significant epiphany about life - (and I will do my best to make it NOT sound like a cliche); that our major objective is to live a daily life of loving-kindness; to give love always in the expectation of zero recompense. What does this mean? It’s really mind-blowing in its simplicity. It is a core tenet of Jesus Christ; that we must give love even though we know we may get nothing in return, except for the joy we get from giving unconditional love. That we must find a sense of equanimity from kindness and calmness, rather than vicissitudes from discord and strife.
I am eagerly anticipating 2008, for many reasons, not the least of which is the fact that I turn “the Big 4-ZERO” in September. Allelulia! I feel like I’ve been waiting to turn forty my whole life. (There’s a reason people often refer to me as “an old soul.”) I clearly, distinctly remember when I was 9 or 10 years old, calculating the fact that I would be "32" at the turn of the Century, and then just "8 more years" until I'd turn 40. What would possess a 10-year-old to contemplate such a thing?
Living by “The Four Agreements”
I read many fascinating books in 2007; probably one that most influenced my perspective is “The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, A Toltec Wisdom Book,” by Don Miguel Ruiz. It’s a short book and very accessible; nothing Earth-shattering in terms of depth and complexity. In a nutshell, the author cites ancient Toltec Wisdom as the thrust behind the following mandates for living a full and joyous life:
* Be Impeccable With Your Words: Think carefully about what you say; remember the power your words have to give love. Speak the truth, speak with integrity, and speak lovingly.
* Don't Take Anything Personally: What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
* Don't Make Assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.
* Always Do Your Best: Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
I wholeheartedly agree with this idea of being "impeccable with your words." I think we underestimate how powerfully our words can affect people, both positively and negatively. I think this power emanates from the various aspects of the human condition. For example, the wide variety of sensitivity amongst humans. Some people are just much more sensitive than others in terms of how they respond to people's words. What one person may brush off as a casual but marginally offensive remark, another person may be devastated by its implications. Also, think about the richness and ambiguity of language itself. For example, the word "love." Love has so many different definitions and manifestations. I "love" my partner, my child, my friends, my parents and siblings, my dog; but I might also "love" vegetarian lasagna, traveling to New Zealand, a pint of Guinness, the Oregon Coast. With no ambiguity whatsoever, I do love God and Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. And then I also "love" the fantasy I have of seducing Natalie Portman. We can "love" concrete things such as people and places, but also ethereal things such as ideas and fantasies. (This discussion reminds me of that rather cynical Howard Jones song from the late 1980s, "What is Love?") So we have to remember the richness of language, the ambiguities of language, when we speak to other people, in terms of how our words may affect them. And also, we have to remember the various ways our words will be interpreted by various people.
Don't Take Anything Personally
I'm not sure I fully understand, "Don't take anything personally." If we never take anything personally, how can we engage deeply enough with other people to achieve intimacy? Or, is it saying we should avoid intimacy? I guess a lack of intimacy would diminish some pain, but would also cause other kinds of pain. The point, I think, is to not obsess over another person's words or behaviors in terms of what we may or may not have done to "cause" the other person to speak or act in such a manner. That is, I am in no way "responsible" for another person's words or actions. It's easy to dismiss the comments or behaviors of strangers and not take them personally; the challenge is to not take personally the comments and behaviors of our intimates.
Don't Make Assumptions
This is a tough challenge, to not make assumptions. We are conditioned to respond to the world from our own perspective; we're constantly making assumptions based on our own perspectives and our personal filters for how we interface with other people. I think this edict throws a wrench into one of our beloved mantras, "Treat others as you wish to be treated." Because this mantra "assumes" that everyone likes to be treated in the same manner; it allows for very little nuance. Of course, in general, we all like to be treated with respect and kindness. But overall, the way we wish to be "treated" will vary, based on culture, gender, religious beliefs, personal attitudes, and so on.
Always Do Your Best
This one seems like a no-brainer to me. Why wouldn't people always do their best? Well, I guess it depends a lot on our personalities; on what we find inspiring; on the "incentive" factors. I "do my best" to take care of my body, because I want to be healthy and live a full life. I "do my best" at work, because I enjoy the challenges and I need the monetary compensation. I "do my best" with my personal relationships, because I know that personal relationships are a key to providing meaning in life.
